Previously Unfamiliar ......

Song that best describes my mood right now ..... Erykah Badu - "My Life" Mama's Gun

Yep, that's right folks... not brand new... but previously unfamiliar .. Cause brand new is like " oooh ,she got a new job, and a new car.. now she acting brand new"... naw.. not that. I'm Shiny, refined, polished, repaired, changed, better... ... got a new hair cut... lost a few pounds and well, I got a lil more pep in my step. I'm happy about that. I think I finally found ME.. Past blogs talked about "finding myself".... well, I'm found. went through a few processes, hung around a different crowd. Now, I know what was missing. ME!!... the real me... im back...


so now, this is where I am..... Just recently , the father of my Son expressed to me that he only wants to be with me ( I laughed).. is it possible to marry someone and the moment you find out you're not "their everything" you suddenly lose all interest. Or, if you find out that you're not the only one he's telling that to!.. funny huh?.. so, the day after Thanksgiving, he goes out, he gets drunk.... and I get the phone call....

Him: Maan, I'm smacked, can I crash on your couch

Me: No, and why are you so "smacked"

Him: Im depressed, so I came out and Jerron wouldn't stop buying me drinks... I know you live closer to downtown then I do, and I don't think I'm going to make it home.

Me: Well, that's something you should have though about. you just assumed I would say you could come over?... or was it you thought you were gonna get some ass??

Him:... NOOOO!.. I just knew you would care about my safety , so I figured I'd call and see if you would be ok with me coming to try and sleep t his off.

Me: well, I'm not ok with it. you need to make it home. If I got drunk, I wouldn't expect you to cater to me. I'm grown, I have to be held accountable for my actions. and so do you.

Him: well, I just don't want to get pulled over, so I though I was being responsible by calling you.

Me: point well taken.. however, I'm going to have to deny your request.

Him: look , I just want to be with you... this holiday was very depressing for me because I didn't have my Wife, or my Son with me. I want you back. I want to be a family again.. I don't want our son to grow up in a home without his mom and dad.

Me: Again, point well taken... however.... I grew up in a home without my dad and I turned out DAMN GOOD if not better!. im sick of that poor excuse. you're full of them. so save it, make your way home and sleep that off on your own couch.. you are obviously saying these things because you are drunk. we'll see what you have to say in the morning.

Him:..... if that's how you're gonna be, then fine!

so , the night passes.... morning comes..... and I get a phone call.....

its him......

Him: can I please take you and our son out to breakfast?

Me: Why? you will see your son on Monday, can you guys eat breakfast then?

Him: look, I really really miss you guys and I need to see you both....

Me:... ok, ok.... we'll eat breakfast... that's it!... then we're out


So, we meet at Perkins... when I saw the expression on my sons face when he saw his mom and dad together, it made me understand how important it is for a family to be together...... HOWEVER..... I'm not sayin it thought about getting back with him... I'm saying, I will do better at having family time so that my son can see that his mother and father are great people, and we love him dearly. so, part of my "Previously Unfamiliar" process was to realize there is no need to be a bitch about my situation.. but to try and make the best of it cause I'm gonna have to deal with it regardless...

so, once I came to that realization.... I was much happier with the person I've become. Satisfied because even though I may think my situation is tough, it really aint that bad.... I mean, I don't gotta live with the dude. and he takes great care of our son... I'm doing pretty good.

A friend of mine tells me " Chavi, something tells me that you're gonna meet someone.. you're gonna catch someone's eye, and they're not gonna be able to resist you... if I wasn't married, I'd have no problems with making you happy".... that made me fell all warm and fuzzy on the inside. although I don't believe him, it was still very nice of him to say. so I was thinkin....Will I really catch someone's eye? or will I be the Old lady with the 20 cats?... either way, I don't care.. cause I'm happy with just being Chavi.

I don't think I'm hard to please... its just that some people don't "get me"... some say I'm "too much like one of the boys"... well, you cant kiss on ya boys... can you?... so what is it... tell me?.so , for all of you guys who know me... answer me this....... am I too nice, mean, clean, dirty lol? its gotta be something.

cause if you ask me... I'm kind of a big deal...... lol