And so it stands…… Life as I know it begins again… I’ve been living in my 2 bedroom apartment for 2 months now. I’ve had company 4 times… 3 girls… 1 guy (thanks DJ) I sat and cried last night because I’m realizing, I’m gonna be alone … FOREVER. Like I’m cursed. I thought I was pretty simple, I don’t ask for much and I’d like to think im kinda cute… at times. But it’s like the only men who truly love me is God, My dad, my brother, and my son. And, I’m ok with that… to an extent. I’m learning how to love myself, and if I’m gonna be a fool for anyone, it’s gonna be me. So I’ve been taking myself through this process where I’ve just been totally silent…. Not really talking to many people... Just to see who my real friends are, and who’s really in my corner. I shared this process with a really good friend of mine, because he IS this process. I always wondered what it would be like to totally cut yourself off from some people. Another reason is because, you can neeeever truly understand someone unless you at least try to put yourself in their shoes. So, since I’ve done so, I can say that I do understand him a little more. So, check this out. Since the process…. I’ve noticed that if you don’t give people anything to talk about, they start to make things up! And when people make things up, they look stupid!! so now, I’m known as “stuck up”… “Antisocial” …. Oh, and let’s not forget “sneaky”….. That’s right folks, this is what happens when you keep to yourself. So, did I figure out who my real friends are? Sure did. And let’s just say the list went WAAAAAAAY down. I’m starting to think I should have went through this process a LOOOOOOONG time ago… maybe I wouldn’t have made the crucial mistakes that I’ve made thus far. so I look back on things now, and I see where I messed up. And as long as I keep myself on the straight and narrow, I should be just fine. But it bothers me to think that I’ve missed my opportunity to be happy…am I being picky? Or not picky enough? Can/will anyone like me for me? “Those who don’t mind matter and those who do mind don’t matter”….. This is veeeery true. For the very few friends that I do have, thanks for not minding. For those of you who do mind, well….. Kiss my ass. Im going to chill out, and just let Mr. Right fall in my lap… because I just been attracting Mr. Wrong for too long and I cant stand to put myself through that BS ever again. God will always come first… he’ll tell me what to do… I just have to let him.
